I find myself using big words to feel full Like saying I am sanguivorous Or feeding on blood Instead of saying that Ravenous, I commit deicide Or the killing of a god The pretentious devouring of Saturn himself In a vain attempt to become something higher Something more And in this ostentatious act I betray myself My own self who I have made less Pushed down Minimized into single syllable words Plain Small Weak And in this self-inflicted deicide Devouring of my own godliness Eating of my own flesh and drinking of my own blood Something holy has been lost And I can only hope That when I shove my hands into my mouth Stick my fingers down my throat That the horrid mess of sin and god that I retch Will contain that shrunken light And there on the floor Covered in sick and gore I can let that divine light wash over me Knowing that, in that baptism I am becoming myself again
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